U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
