Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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