Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
