Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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