And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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