His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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