Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
