If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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