he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
