waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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