He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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