i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
