Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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