I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
