Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
