just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
