Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
