Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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