Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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