just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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