Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
