Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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