i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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