I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
