You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
