3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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