i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
