I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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