I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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