is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You're like the curious george of whores
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
