my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
