It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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