Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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