You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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