your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
