You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
