Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
should my penis look like a turkey
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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