I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
