I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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