We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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