Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
