just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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