just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
