He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
