So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
