we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
