as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize