He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
