I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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