Yo dont text me then not text me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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