I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
