i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
