so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
