If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize