She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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