I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?