i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa