I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything