i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit