Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My cat gives me a boner
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.