you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me