we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
