Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
