now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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