Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
