I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
