Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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