Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
