so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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