I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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