Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
