Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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