dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
